Why iHATE

People

Religion

Government

Society

The Miscellany

I know, I know, it will never happen, but consider: what if there were no guns? What if they just weren't around?

Don't start writing me that "If we make guns illegal only criminals will have guns" shit; you ought to know by now that I hate government meddling. I'm no firearms prohibitionist.

But think about the Gun People you know. Think about the people who own them. Think about the sad little excuses for power they wield. People in the suburbs, from middle to higher class, take their guns to shooting ranges or display them tastefully in the racks on their Chevy S-10s.

The inner city is different: if there were no guns, people would stop shooting each other. I somehow view this as a good thing. I suppose this makes me a Bleeding Heart Liberal.

The Gun People like to hold these precious instruments of destruction and feel the power of death buck in their hands. We may be stuck in dead end lives and take orders from middle management bosses, but I can pull a trigger and I can kill.

If I have a gun, I am stronger.

I am a powerful man.

I have a subscription to Soldier of Fortune.

Steven Seagal is a damn good actor.

Honey, where's my remote control?

Get me a Budweiser.

The other good one is hunting for sport: I am such a powerful man, I can kill... wait, let me think of something fearsome. Something dangerous. I'll kill a deer! I am such a strong and powerful man that I can kill soft fluffy things! If you want to impress me, try hunting something that has a good chance of killing you first. Even if you don't impress me, you'll be one less annoying Gun Person in the world, boasting about his cool fully automatic enhancement for his inability to stick his two inch dick into the supermodel of his choice.

Better yet, be a man. Stand up to the world without falling back on a gun for comfort, you fucking coward.

And if there weren't any? Aside from the establishment of Small Cock Support Groups... if we went my way and there magically weren't any guns, and the best we could do was sharp sticks... well, have you ever had to pith a frog when you were in high school?

Experiment goes like this: you pin a frog down (think crucifixion: the frogs die for our sins daily, and yet we don't pray to them. Double standard?) and then jam another pin through its brain. The frog freezes. You remove the pin, and the frog is back to normal.

So, if we institute pithing as self defense, life would be simpler. An idiot at the bar is convinced his girlfriend is looking at a random moron. Moron A comes over to kill Moron B because he has no self esteem, doesn't love his girlfriend but values her as a trophy, can only make himself feel good by pushing people around: pick your clichi.

Now, instead of two drunken idiots finding weapons and shooting one another, the scene would be more of a drunken "Your mother's a stupid fuckin whore and your bitch is so ugly I--"

Insert pith.

Moron A is now lying on the floor immobile, while Moron B offers Moron A's girlfriend a ride back to his place, or at least to check out the pithing rod rack on his Chevy S-10. Five minutes later, the bartender removes the pith from Moron A and calls him a cab. And nobody dies. But this is all hypothetical.

I could really care less if idiots with no self esteem kill each other.